reeeners

i lost my virginity a year ago today...kind of wish i'd waited...

last night a few of the guys were talking about their exes and all the cute shit theyve done for them and all the time and effort they put into making their girlfriend happy and shit and i just sat there realizing i never had that. ever. it wasnt just the last 8 months that you were an asshole, it was pretty much the entire time. im having a hard time remembering any of the good things that happened the last two and a half years. i thought i was happy and i thought it was as good as it gets but when i look around and see how other couples treat eachother i realize how selfish you really were. ugh. i never want to be in a relationship again. and now ive found this really great guy but i dont want to go through with it cause im too angry about how my past relationships worked out.
god. fuck you.

 ive been thinking and thinking and thinking and im starting to think i dont ever want to be in a relationship again. i mean...if a couple as strong and happy and perfect as me and brendan couldnt make it then i definitely wouldnt be able to make it with someone else. dont get me wrong i dont miss him and i dont have feelings for him anymore.. but really...everyone was always saying how great we were together and blah blah blah then all of a sudden out of no where we werent anymore. it just makes me look at all the other couples around me and i think to myself that theyre never going to make it either. this whole thing has given me such a negative perspective on relationships. it makes me think everyone is just doomed.
how can people just lose feelings for eachother in a matter of weeks after they were together for two and a half years?
why am i so happy about being single? how was i able to move on so fast? how is it that i havent thought about him once the past couple weeks?
its like it never even happened
whats the point

goodbye october. goodbye soffe shorts. goodbye tank tops.

its time to slow it down on the drinking and partying. ive been going a little crazy lately and doing a lot of things i wouldnt usually do.


i dont think ive ever been happier with life. i love my friends






haha ugh i forgot what its like to be single. i forgot how to act around guys. i forgot how to flirt. ugghh haha im so awkward aaahhhhh

 my costume came in the mail yesterday! its so fucking cute! ughhghghghg im so excited for halloween i cant stand it this week is going by so slow!

and taylor is going to be my mickey mouse!

sososososooo excited


things are so good right now. i love my friends. my new favorite thing is driving around town with sarah and listening to girl talk and screaming and dancing and ahhahahaa. i dont like driving anywhere without her anymore. its sad and boring. plus shes the best DJ ever

i canoooott wait for rockypoint. i have a feeling no one will get off their lazy ass and get a passport and we wont end up getting enough people to go to get a condo. so everyone go get your passports! right now! and start saving that 120!
ugh i can just imagine 10 of us sitting on our patio on the beach chillin in the hottub drinking dos equis and pina coladas aaahhhh fuck fuck fuck

ahhh i miss my best friend!

life is just too good to be true right now. 

 i love naelani!
"youre the librarian thats always drunk and im the stripper that loves to stay home and watch tv!"
"we should go clubbing! actually i dont know if i can dance in heels"
"i wonder whats going on this weekend..."   "its only tuesday, you drunk!"


everytime i go into american apparel i try on these overalls but never buy them. and today i finally did. haha sooooooooo excited!




i cant find a cute polka dot dress so i dont know if i can be minnie mouse for halloween :(

 things are so great right now.
i feel like myself again
ive never laughed this much before
i love my friends. i love october.

i need to back off the 3 olives..its too good to be true. and now i dont remember anything from the past 2 weekends....
hahahahahaha uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I LOVE OCTOBER.

!!!!!!!! !!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ! !!!!! !! !!!!!! !!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!! !!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ! !!! !!! ! !!!! 

i had the best birthday weekend ever!

i love that me and naelani are complete opposites of eachother
i think thats why we get along so well
we dont really have anything to fight over
shes the porn star. im the librarian. literally.



this weekend better be amazing! my birthdays in 3 days!
tonight going to see erics new band at the tailgate party then party at jesses maaayyybe 
then tomorrow getting my toes done
then sunday going to a movie and out to eat with my family
then monday getting my huuuurrrr done!

ah im so ready to get the night started wheres the captain morgan!!?


i love october

 i am in such a good mood this week!
aaaaaaaahhhhhh where is this coming from

i miss naelani

i am in the best mood ever today!
although ive been doing homework since 3:30, doing an 11 page essay and 3 math assignments, i am feeling relaxed and not stressed and freaking out. im finally getting used to school and idk maybe its not as horrible as i thought..


soooo sad im missing monsters of folk :(

ill be done with my invisalign in 3 months! and i just started them 4 months ago! 

so glad its the weekend.
going rock climbing with lani then finally get to relax for a few days
im so stressed out
i never thought i could ever hate school this much and that it would put me in this bad of a mood 

aaaaah i hate smokers!
my mom refuses to open a window the whole weekend, so ive been breathing in nothing but pure smoke. my throat hurts.

i have so much homework to do when i get back home. i didnt do any work thursday and friday. 
im getting so stressed it feels like its never going to end

 i dont want to move out and leave my dad all alone with my step mom. that sounds like the shittiest life ever.
i really wish he would just dump her and meet someone who treated him better


my mom went to a bunch of foreign websites and found me poloroid film for super super cheap. yesss!
i cant wait to see her tomorrow. i need to get out of phoenix. i need to start packing.

and i cant wait for sarahs party. i need to relax. ive been so stressed out lately. i need some bourbon.

i cant wait to see mama this weeeekend! and go shoppiiiiinnngg!


ugh ugh ugh i want a bunny so so sosososooooo bad!
 


i cant wait to get my own apartment and get a bunny ahhh



i have a fever. my body aches. its that time of the month. i cant sleep. i have so much homework to do.


im really annoyed. my computer keeps fucking up. from now on im the only one going on it. everyone else just tosses it around and is completely careless with it

im buying a new ipod today!
wooo for early birthday presents

if i end up with any money left from my birthday im going to find a cheap fisheye lens. theyre only 60 on amazon wooo
and then im gunna blow the rest on poloroid film before they stop selling it forever :/


going to pinetop this weekend!
then flagstaff next weekend!
then the weekend after that is a 3 day weekend and first frideeees and lingerie pardeee woo


things are good lately.

 the second day of school i was backing out of the parking lot and i accidently scratched the kids car next to mine
i paid for the paint he had to buy to fix it..which ended up being 65 bucks.. ugh and all the shopping money i had left was 70
so now im absolutely broke.
i never pay attention when i drive anymore. it sucks.
i need a job. god damnit.

i wish i could just take english and nursing. i absolutely hate the rest of my classes. my math teacher always sounds congested. or like shes plugging her nose. it makes me not able to concentrate on my work. haha. and my economics teacher doesnt even teach, he just talks about random stuff and makes a bunch of bad jokes. i started doodling on my notes to keep me from falling asleep. government used to be my favorite class ever and now i cant stand it. library services sucks as always. its an easy A but its so boooorrrriiinggg

im not unhappy with my life its just everything is so boring lately. i think i would be a lot more content if i saw more of brendan and lani. 
school has been making me a really grumpy and impatient person
i need to get out of here