Friends

i lost my virginity a year ago today...kind of wish i'd waited...

last night a few of the guys were talking about their exes and all the cute shit theyve done for them and all the time and effort they put into making their girlfriend happy and shit and i just sat there realizing i never had that. ever. it wasnt just the last 8 months that you were an asshole, it was pretty much the entire time. im having a hard time remembering any of the good things that happened the last two and a half years. i thought i was happy and i thought it was as good as it gets but when i look around and see how other couples treat eachother i realize how selfish you really were. ugh. i never want to be in a relationship again. and now ive found this really great guy but i dont want to go through with it cause im too angry about how my past relationships worked out.
god. fuck you.

I love that the people I live with are my best friends. I hear so many stories from people about how their roommate or suitemates are weird or bitchy, and I honestly feel blessed. The four of us get along SO well and we balance each other out so well. I swear, you haven't heard me laugh until you've seen Auri, Lauren, Queena and me all together. I'm so lucky.

I'm absolutely exhausted from last night. I guess that's what I get for learning how to shotgun a beer on a Monday night... way to go Chelsy, hahaha. So worth it though. I love hanging out at Zach and J's and being with all the people that pass through to drink it down and smoke it up. I feel like I'm finding my grove in this group and I'm happy to feel like I belong somewhere again. 

I can't wait for next semester. I'm taking Astronomy with Lauren, and I know she'll keep me on track and make sure I pass the class. Thank god for that. I think Human Sexuality and Religion in America promise to be interesting, and hopefully English 200 isn't a complete joke like my current English class. The only class I'm worried about is German 101... I suck at learning new languages, as three semesters of Spanish in high school demonstrated. But whatever. I need to get good grades this semester so I can get a 3.0 GPA and become a Journalism major. This semester made me realize how much I miss being apart of a newspaper staff and the journalistic style of writing. I mean... I was in it all four years of high school. It's what I know. It's what I'm good at. Why not capitalize on that? So, if all goes according to plan, by sophomore year I'll be a double major in English Literature and Journalism, and hopefully, I'll have finished writing my book by then? Wishful thinking, but hey, it's a goal :)


On another note...
I'm trying hard not to think about you, can't you just let me be?
God. You don't know how badly I wish I could hate you.

 ive been thinking and thinking and thinking and im starting to think i dont ever want to be in a relationship again. i mean...if a couple as strong and happy and perfect as me and brendan couldnt make it then i definitely wouldnt be able to make it with someone else. dont get me wrong i dont miss him and i dont have feelings for him anymore.. but really...everyone was always saying how great we were together and blah blah blah then all of a sudden out of no where we werent anymore. it just makes me look at all the other couples around me and i think to myself that theyre never going to make it either. this whole thing has given me such a negative perspective on relationships. it makes me think everyone is just doomed.
how can people just lose feelings for eachother in a matter of weeks after they were together for two and a half years?
why am i so happy about being single? how was i able to move on so fast? how is it that i havent thought about him once the past couple weeks?
its like it never even happened
whats the point

goodbye october. goodbye soffe shorts. goodbye tank tops.

its time to slow it down on the drinking and partying. ive been going a little crazy lately and doing a lot of things i wouldnt usually do.


i dont think ive ever been happier with life. i love my friends






haha ugh i forgot what its like to be single. i forgot how to act around guys. i forgot how to flirt. ugghh haha im so awkward aaahhhhh

 my costume came in the mail yesterday! its so fucking cute! ughhghghghg im so excited for halloween i cant stand it this week is going by so slow!

and taylor is going to be my mickey mouse!

sososososooo excited


things are so good right now. i love my friends. my new favorite thing is driving around town with sarah and listening to girl talk and screaming and dancing and ahhahahaa. i dont like driving anywhere without her anymore. its sad and boring. plus shes the best DJ ever

i canoooott wait for rockypoint. i have a feeling no one will get off their lazy ass and get a passport and we wont end up getting enough people to go to get a condo. so everyone go get your passports! right now! and start saving that 120!
ugh i can just imagine 10 of us sitting on our patio on the beach chillin in the hottub drinking dos equis and pina coladas aaahhhh fuck fuck fuck

ahhh i miss my best friend!

life is just too good to be true right now.